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Relationships are at the heart of every ministry and business…and should be of every leader. Every task is somehow connected to a person, so relationships are essential. Whether those relationships are with your family, faith-family, colleagues at work, or community, having joy in them makes them a little bit sweeter too! If not, you’ll be miserable in life and ministry if your relationships aren’t healthy.
God wants us to enjoy the people in our lives. In the book of Philippians, Paul models four principles to help us find joy in our relationships.
- Be grateful for the good in people.“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you” (Philippians 1:3 NKJV).
Instead of focusing on the bad memories, Paul focused on the good memories he had. And if you recall in Acts 16, you’ll remember the bad memories Paul could have focused on while he was in Philippi but didn’t. He was arrested, whipped, humiliated, and thrown in prison. While in prison, there was an earthquake. Then the Roman officials in the town asked him to leave. Paul had a rough time in Philippi, but he chose to focus on what he was grateful for.
To follow Paul’s example, we don’t need to deny the hurts in our lives. Neither do we need to excuse the weaknesses of others. Instead, focus on the good and emphasize the strengths of other people.
- Practice positive praying.“Always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy” (Philippians 1:4 NKJV).
If you pray positively for people, you will change your attitude and the other person’s. People may resist our advice, spurn our appeals, reject our suggestions, and not accept our help, but they are powerless against our prayers!
In Philippians 1:9-11 (NKJV), Paul models four ways to pray positively for others.
- Pray they will grow in love. “Your love may abound.” (This phrase means to overflow, like a tidal wave.)
- Pray they make wise choices. “In knowledge and all discernment.”
- Pray they will do the right thing. “Be sincere and without offense.”
- Pray they will live for God’s glory. “Being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”
Most of us are good at praying for people in crisis, but let’s commit to praying specifically and regularly for people who may struggle in these four areas. Doing so will transform our relationships with them.
- Be patient with people’s progress.“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;” (Philippians 1:6 NKJV).
Paul considered people’s future, not just their past. He looked at their potential and was patient with their progress.
Humanity is a great starter but a lousy finisher. It leaves unfinished symphonies, buildings, books, and projects. People don’t always finish what they start, but God always finishes what He starts.
We should model God’s patience with people’s progress. To enjoy people, we must give them room to grow and develop, just as God does with us.
- Love people from the heart.“For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:8 NKJV).
Loving people begins with understanding why they act the way they do. You can’t love people you don’t understand. If you care, you’ll be aware.
You get understanding by asking questions and then listening to the responses.
Understanding people helps you love them better, but it still doesn’t get you to the love Paul described in Philippians 1:8. Paul said he loved the church of Philippi “with the tender compassion of Christ Jesus” (NLT). Only Jesus—working through you—can love people like that.
God’s love isn’t something you can force. It’s a gift you get as you let the Holy Spirit work through you. “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:5 NKJV).
Life is too short not to enjoy the people in your life, especially those you serve and lead. If you don’t learn to enjoy those the Lord has placed in your life, you will be miserable. That’s why you need to learn how to respond to them as Jesus did.
