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So, you signed up for leadership but, at the same time, didn’t sign up for all the criticism that came with it, did you?
And now, here you are.
Next question: Did anything really prepare you for the emotional leadership journey?
Nope. Me neither.
By now, you have discovered that criticism can be an almost daily issue for most leaders. You receive everything from side comments to direct confrontation, people who walk out the door and do not return, and unsigned notes sent to you by people with no courage.
You dread it. I dread it. Who doesn’t?
It can completely derail your day, your week, and your work.
I can’t tell you how often I have a completely sarcastic, immature, and emotional response ready for my critics as soon as they sting me.
And, of course, it’s a horrendous mistake ever to let those comments see daylight. But in my head, it’s so easy to take revenge.
So, what do you do when it comes your way?
First…Realize This
Dreaming about working in a place where no one criticizes anyone is easy.
And as a result, more than a few leaders have left their current jobs to look for greener pastures where there won’t be as much conflict, only to be disappointed that criticism just seems to come with the job wherever you go. As one writer says, the grass is always greener over the septic tank!
Ditto with starting your own venture. As long as you have customers and staff, you’ll have critics.
Don’t misunderstand me, there are some toxic workplaces, and there are definitely some toxic people. And, of course, there are healthy workplaces and healthy people.
However, criticism is still inevitable even in a healthy environment.
So, can you avoid criticism? Well, the best way to avoid significant critics is to do nothing significant.
But then all you end up with is regret.
So, how do you deal with the criticism that will inevitably come your way?
How To Handle Your Critics Like a Pro
My basic problem is with criticism. Honestly, it makes me want to respond like a toddler would.
Criticism naturally makes me defend or deny; if I’m having a not-so-good day, it also makes me want to retaliate.
None of that is good.
If you study leaders who don’t do well in the long run, you will find that they almost always react to critics and criticism with immaturity.
1. Wait 24 Hours Before Responding. Just Wait.
Something happens inside you whenever you get a critical email, comment, text, or phone call.
You can’t help but notice your beats a little faster. Depending on what was said or who said it, you feel hurt, maybe even crushed. It’s easy to get angry.
When that happens, emotions usually interfere with sound thinking. At least, that’s how it affects me.
Something I learned a long time ago is almost nothing good happens when I’m troubled.
I almost always make it worse when I attempt to address the situation immediately. Even if I convince myself I’ll make it better, I usually don’t. Not when I’m upset.
So, I made a rule. When I feel an emotional reaction to criticism, I wait 24 hours to respond.
That should be easy in the case of an email, a text, or a written complaint. Just sleep on it and pray.
But even when there’s a verbal interchange, just hold your tongue. Thank them. Say as little as possible or nothing. Don’t respond. And definitely don’t react!
After 24 hours elapses, something unique often. Sound thinking shows up.
A day later, you are more able to respond reasonably and rationally to something you once could only react to emotionally.
Once you’ve slept on it and, hopefully, prayed about it. And maybe you’ve even chatted to a few wise and godly friends about how to respond with grace and integrity.
You’ve lost nothing.
And you’ve gained so much.
So, wait. Just wait.
2. Ask Yourself: Can There Be Any Truth In The Criticism?
During those 24 hours, you can begin asking yourself sensible questions, the most important of which is, “Can there be any truth in the criticism?”
Occasionally, there’s not. But often, there is.
If you’re unsure, ask a friend or colleague, but don’t “stack the deck” in your favor. Be fair.
They may see what your critic sees.
Even if there’s just a kernel of truth, that kernel can help you grow into a better person and leader. I once had a situation where someone criticized something I wrote. At first, I was entirely defensive. Fortunately, I said nothing and didn’t respond. But the next day, after a good night’s sleep and some prayer, I realized they might be right about something and could have stated it better, more accurately, clearly, and kinder. So, I gave them that.
Other people loved what I wrote, but that doesn’t mean his experience wasn’t valid. And when I looked in my heart on a good day, I saw something the critic likely picked up on.
It made me a better leader because I became aware of something that would have been so easy to dismiss and ignore.
Self-awareness is the key, and our critics can help us become more self-aware.
Even if the critic’s statements are untrue, you at least self-examined. And by asking, you didn’t lose anything.
And…there’s usually truth in what a critic is saying. But often, it takes time to see it.
So, give yourself time.
We can’t assume all our critics are irrational, frustrated, or need counseling. That’s an easy assumption too many leaders make.
Next edition, we will look at three more ways pros handle criticism.
