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By now, you have discovered that criticism can be an almost daily issue for most leaders. You receive everything from side comments to direct confrontation, people who walk out the door and do not return, and unsigned notes sent to you by people with no courage.
So, what do you do when it comes your way?
First…Realize This
Dreaming about working in a place where no one criticizes anyone is easy.
So, can you avoid criticism? Well, the best way to avoid significant criticism is to do nothing significant.
But then all you end up with is regret.
So, how do you deal with the criticism that will inevitably come your way?
How To Handle Your Critics Like a Pro
Let’s review:
1. Wait 24 Hours Before Responding. Just Wait.
I made a rule. When I feel an emotional reaction to criticism, I wait 24 hours to respond.
2. Ask Yourself: Can There Be Any Truth In The Criticism?
During those 24 hours, you can begin asking yourself sensible questions, the most important of which is, “Can there be any truth in the criticism?”
Occasionally, there’s not. But often, there is.
Let’s look at three more ways how pros handle criticism.
3.Own What You Can
Own any part of the issue that is yours, even if they’re only 1% right.
And resist the temptation to look to your fans to make you feel better.
If someone was offended by what you said, attempt to comprehend why. Own that piece, even if their reaction to what you said or did was an unacceptable overreaction or exaggeration.
Great leaders accept responsibility. They fix the problem. Weak leaders fix blame on others.
So, be a pro when it comes to criticism and become a great leader.
4. Respond Relationally
Just because they fired off an email in the dark of night doesn’t mean you should.
You should also avoid posting passive-aggressive social media content. It’s the last thing the internet, the world, or your ministry or business needs.
Carey Nieuwhof shared this strategy from Andy Stanley, and I have followed it ever since.
Reply in a more relationally connected way than how they initiated things with you.
Examples:
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- If they emailed you, call them. You’ll not only surprise them, but you can quickly diffuse the situation. People are bolder in emails (and on the internet, in general) than in conversation. Nothing good concerning personal conflict happens in emails.
- If they stopped you in person and blasted you, take them out for coffee. Reach out to them and tell them you want to learn from them and deal with the issue in person.
- If they got angry at a meeting, go for lunch soon afterward.
You will take the wind out of the conflict sail nine times out of ten. And if they’re spiritually and emotionally healthy, and you own what is yours, you’ll be amazed at how it resolves the situation.
5. Reject The Crud
Even if you find some truth in what they said, as stated own what is yours, and reply graciously, relationally, and kindly. And yet, there may still be crud in the mix sometimes.
If so, reject it.
Here’s what I’m thinking: 95% of the conflict with others has nothing to do with what the conflict is mostly about.
Your critic might have just had a massive fight with their daughter, son, or spouse before they sat down at the keyboard to blast you. You might find your critic is simply an angry person whose issues with you are welded to their issues. And you got an unfair shot. Or they may be merely angry at the world.
We can’t assume all our critics are irrational, frustrated, or need counseling. That’s an easy assumption too many leaders make.
But there are times good people say and do bad things that can be hurtful.
And sometimes the blast comes with zero basis. When that happens, you need to let the crud go. You’ve owned as much of it as possible, so let the rest drop.
Keep praying about it. Talk to friends about it. Grieve the hurt and then leave it.
Don’t carry today’s baggage into tomorrow.
